Besha’ah Tova

Any woman who has ever been pregnant knows that the minute you announce your pregnancy, your privacy disappears. It’s almost as if, by saying “I’m expecting”, you are actually saying “ask me anything you want, especially really personal questions”

I remember with my first pregnancy, how shocked I was at the things people said to me. People, not friends, not close family, just people.
1. Do you know what you’re having?
2. Who is your doctor?
3. Are you having an epidural?
4. (when the answer to no. 3 was that I didn’t plan on it) Do you know how much it hurts? You should have the epidural!
5. You don’t even look pregnant from behind
6. You haven’t put on much weight
7. Are you going to breastfeed?
And on and on and on.

To answer for those curious:
1. I found out only for one of my pregnancies, and we didn’t share and it’s none of your business
2. I had a different one for each pregnancy, and it’s none of your business.
3. I had 2 without, and 1 with, and it’s none of your business
4. It’s none of your business
5. I carried all my babies out front, and it’s none of your business
6. I gained enough weight for each pregnancy, but I spent 9 months not able to keep much down, and it’s none of your business
7. I failed at breastfeeding one child and went on to nurse the other 2 for 18 months each, and it’s none of your business

Why can’t people simply say “Besha’ah Tova” and leave it at that?

I feel like I’m pregnant again now. And dammit it’s a long pregnancy! Since we told people that we are making aliyah, wherever I go, I get the same questions. Now, if we are friends – i.e. if we have had a real conversation in the past 6 months, have enjoyed meals together, played mahjong, carpooled, barbecued, vacationed, or just hung out together for fun – that’s fine. But if you haven’t in the past inquired how things are in my life, why do you care now?

I’ll save you the trouble, and answer the questions here.

We are moving to Rehovot because we found it to be a warm, welcoming community, not at all American, but with enough English speakers to make us feel comfortable.
No, we don’t have a place to live.
No, we have not sold our house (but yes, it is on the market, please let me know if you are interested).
Yes, we are bringing our dog, she is part of our family.
No, my in-laws are not happy that we are leaving.
Yes, my family are happy that we will be closer to them.
Yes, we do have family in Israel and lots of friends.
No, I’m not excited.
No, we don’t have a date yet.
Yes, we know it won’t be easy.
Oh, and it’s none of your business!

So please, next time you see me, if we haven’t had a proper conversation in the past, and you don’t think of me as your friend, maybe just say “I hear you’re making aliyah. Besha’ah Tova and Hatzlacha Raba”. Because really, everything else, is none of your business.


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