A Maror of a Pesach

Pesach is my favourite of all the Biblical festivals. Despite all the cleaning and prep, I love the holiday, the different foods, the seder, the beginning of sunny days, visits with family and friends who are in Israel for the chag, and especially the preparations for Yom HaAtzmaut – flags start to go up during Chol HaMoed usually.

This year, I am going into the chag with very different emotions. Not only will we be having seder at home just the five of us, but in the last couple of weeks two of my aunts have become widows, 3 of my 1st cousins have lost their fathers, my parents have lost 2 brothers-in-law and my siblings & I have lost two uncles.

My Uncle Zvi passed away just over 2 weeks ago in London to COVID-19, and yesterday my Uncle John was taken from us in Leeds, also by this horrible virus that has changed our world in just a few short months.

This year, I am having trouble finding the joy in my preparation and cooking. I am finding it difficult to put enthusiasm into preparing for a holiday that celebrates freedom, at a time where I am forbidden to walk more than 100 metres from my home. When freedom truly seems very distant, and when I cannot imagine how, and when life will ever return to what it was before.

This year I cannot stop thinking about my parents, sitting for the first time ever, just the 2 of them for seder. About my two aunts, both newly widowed, sitting each one alone, their children and grandchildren so nearby, and yet not allowed to be with them. About my husband’s grandmother, Grandma Fran, also alone for the first time this Pesach. About all the single people living alone, and about all the divorced parents, whose children are not with them, because it is the turn of the other parent.

How do we celebrate Pesach this way? How do we find joy in this festival of freedom, when we are so far from the freedom that we all usually enjoy? When will we be freed from the bondage of this pandemic that has swept over the globe, taking so many loved ones from us? It is hard to believe, that even in the 21st century, with all the advanced medicine that we have, that something like this can still happen.

To end on a slightly more positive note, I want to thank all the medical personnel around the world – doctors, nurses, other hospital staff, scientists – who are working day and night to make this go away, and also to all the people still working in delivery services, supermarkets, pharmacies & restaurants, making sure that we can still get food & medicine during this crazy surreal time.

Wishing all my friends & family a Chag Kasher, and as Sameach as it can be, and looking forward to a time when all this is a distant memory.

Uncle Zvi with Aunty Val and my nephew Dudi

Uncle John