No Longer New: Aliya, the first year

11 months have passed by, since we left behind America, boarded an El-Al charter flight and came home to Israel.
11 months have passed by, since we said goodbye to friends and family, and drove from Boca Raton, Florida, to New York City.
11 months have passed by, since we left the comforts and ease of life in America, and landed in the fast and furious Middle East.

I planned to blog for our one year “Aliyaversary”, but I quickly realized that the kids would all be home, as their camps are almost over (and there’s still a whole 5 weeks of summer vacation to go!), and the chance of me having time to sit and write was slim. It seems appropriate to write the blog post today, 11 months and 1 day after our arrival, as the Nefesh B’Nefesh summer flights have just begun. In fact today, in JFK airport in New York, some 220 people are boarding a flight, right about now, much like ours from last year. Tomorrow morning they will arrive at Ben Gurion airport, they will have their welcome ceremony, similar to that which we had last August, and they will start their new lives as Israelis.

It makes me really happy to say that I know 3 families on that flight. One from Florida, one from Virginia, and one from Colorado. As everything is still so fresh in my mind, I have tried to help each of them as much as possible plan for this move. Whether advising them on what to stock up on for their lift, recommending crates for the dogs, or simply explaining to them some of the “shouldbesosimplebutisnt” things that they will have to deal with upon arrival, I’ve attempted to cover it all.
With their arrival tomorrow their dream will be fulfilled. The days, weeks, months, and often years leading up to making aliya are a work in progress – so many things come into play, faith, beliefs, emotions, money. Once you finally arrive here at your destination, it’s difficult to know what to do next. The first weeks (months) are a mess of bureaucracy, something that many find difficult to deal with – especially those coming from North America. Once all of that is out of the way, your dream is now your reality.

Our reality here in Israel is good. It’s wonderful. I’m not one to tint things with rose colored glasses – you should all know me better than that by now. There are things here that will never be easy, and many people allow those things to become an obstacle to their happiness. In order to be happy here, you simply have to “Let Go, and Let God”, as a well known rabbi from South Florida once said, while sky diving somewhere in Israel. I try hard not to let things get to me. Like waiting almost 5 hours at the driver’s license bureau in Holon, simply to get a piece of paper stamped to allow me to take a test to switch my license over. Yes it was frustrating. No it was not fun. But it was part of the first year full of things that just had to get done. Once it’s done, you never have to do most of those things ever again. (Ok, so grocery shopping, dealing with the bank and post office, are things we kind of have to always do, but you get used to it…)

Tomorrow morning, an airplane full of people will become the newest Olim in Israel. As of tomorrow, the Olim of 2014 become the “vatikim” – the “old timers”. We will always be immigrants, as I wrote a few weeks ago, but we are no longer the newest crop. We still have so much to learn about our new-to-us homeland, and yet we have learned so much that we can impart to the newbies.

I wish all the olim arriving tomorrow hatzlacha raba – much success – and a klita kalla vene’ima – an easy and pleasant absorption. May you enjoy a wonderful first year in Israel, and may it also be your worst year in Israel – let each year get better, and let our love of Israel only grow and strengthen our reserve to stay here, in our homeland, our country.

May we all be inscribed – Aliya Part VI

Rosh Hashana in Israel. Jewish holidays in Israel in general. To experience this, not as a tourist (which I only ever did once when I was 10 years old, and spent Succot in Israel with my family & grandparents), is extremely special.

Yes the shops are packed, and there are crowds everywhere. Yes you may have to wait hours at the bakery for sweet round challah. Yes, the kids will have barely any school for the next few weeks. But YES, this is because it is the Jewish new year! It’s not some holiday for some other religion, that has little to no affect on us, other than to be inconvenient because the supermarket is closed when I need to go. It’s for my holiday! The buses say “Shana Tova” (Happy New Year) on them. You call the electric/water/gas company to pay a bill and they wish you “Shana Tova” before getting off the phone. This is our country, this is our homeland, and this is our faith, practiced in the land given to our forefathers by God.

We have been in Israel for 6 weeks now. Our lift finally arrived, Baruch Hashem, a week ago. What felt like an empty vacation apartment has suddenly turned into our home, with our furniture, our dishes, our photographs, our books, my nail polish… The dog has her patio table to sit under again. The kids have their clothing, their toys, their special things. I have proper coffee mugs. We are truly at home now. Having the lift arrive so close to Rosh Hashana was in many ways a blessing, as it motivated us to get unpacked as quickly as possible. While we do still have some closed boxes (that don’t contain Pesach stuff), we are mostly unpacked, we have found everything we need (except that brand new box of kitchen glasses from Bed, Bath & Beyond – they’ll show up when we move again), and I have been cooking and (attempting to) baking for Yom Tov.

As the Day of Judgement approaches, and we each have our own demons to face, I’d like to say publicly that I have faced mine. The biggest demon in my life was my reluctance to return to Israel. It was something that followed me for 16 years. Like a voice whispering in my ear, every time the prayer for Israel was said in shul, every time a friend made aliya, every time a friend went on vacation to Israel, every time Israel was in the news, the voice saying “you know you want to be there.” And my own voice always over powering that voice and saying “No I do not. I’m right where I want to be.” It took many years for my voice to become the whisper, and for the other voice to become louder. And while I can’t explain what exactly changed, or why I suddenly felt “ready”, it certainly feels like a demon has been conquered.

Making aliya is not easy. Making aliya with a family is even more difficult. As positive as my posts have been since we arrived in Israel, I admit that it’s not easy. There are challenges that you can’t imagine before you arrive, even if you think you know about them. I just listened to the community panel from the Boca Raton Synagogue from last Saturday night, about aliya , and it resonated with me. Even if you do speak good Hebrew (I do), you won’t understand how things work. Even if you have lived here before (I have), don’t expect to jump right in where you left off. Even if your kids are excited to be here (they were not), don’t expect them to immediately be happy at school. Even if the school is helping your kids with Hebrew (they are), don’t expect the kids to suddenly start speaking it (they don’t/won’t).

But don’t let these things be the reason to NOT make aliya. If aliya is in your heart, just do it. If you feel that Israel is your homeland, just come. Don’t tell me “it’s not that easy” – I know! Do your homework, move somewhere that has a network of people who can help you. If you need to, move to a city where there are lots of Anglos. If you want to move somewhere more Israeli, find out ahead of time whether there is any kind of Anglo community there, and if they are set up to help new Olim. Speak to as many people as you can, from Boca, from elsewhere, who have made aliya to those exact places that you are looking into. Even if they made aliya 5 years ago, they are still Olim. They can still remember what it was like in the beginning. They will give you the best advice about schools, shuls, supermarkets, apartments, cars, jobs – everything. Don’t be afraid to ask “stupid” questions. Understand that you WILL need those English speakers, even if you are fluent in Hebrew. It’s nothing to be embarrassed by. As great as Nefesh b’Nefesh is at coordinating the paperwork, and managing flights and ceremonies, once you arrive, you need to be in a place where, daily, you have people who can help you. Go on a pilot trip – even if you spend every summer in Israel and think you know where you want to be – you may end up finding a completely different place. We moved to Rehovot, having only spent a brief 30 hours here last December over Shabbat! And what a great decision it was.

Wishing everyone, in Israel, and in the Galut, a Shana Tov, and may we all confront our personal demons, and take them out in 5775.

אם תרצו, אין זו אגדה – If you want it, it’s not a dream (Theodore Herzl ז”ל)

G’mar Chatima Tova!

What with homeschooling and running a household, I barely have time to take a shower these days, let alone sit and blog!

It’s Erev Yom Kippur, and I know I’ve offended people during the past year, both on the blog and off the blog. Those of you whom I am aware of having insulted I have either called or emailed to ask in person for forgiveness. (If you got an email over a phone call, it is only because I have very little time to call people, most people who I spoke to over the phone initiated the phone call to me, rather than vice versa, just to clarify for anyone ready to get offended all over again!)

If I offended you, and I didn’t know that I did, please accept my deepest apologies, and forgive me. My intentions have never been to upset people, just to get people to think more and discuss more, and to hopefully bring about a just and affordable solution to one of the many crises the Jewish community faces.

I happen to be one of those individuals who likes Yom Kippur (well I really liked it before I was a mother, it’s harder to like it now when I’m spending so much time feeding the kids who seem to be so much more hungry on fast days than on any other day of the year!).

While I don’t love fasting, I find the day to be spiritually uplifting, full of hope and promise for the new year. I enjoy the davening for Yom Kippur, whether I am in shul or at home with the kids. The words in Vidui have so much meaning for everyone that they could have been written today, rather than centuries ago. I take my time over every word, making sure to understand what it is I’m praying for/about. At the end of mussaf on Yom Kippur I usually feel cleansed and lighthearted, ready for the rest of the day. I don’t usually go back to shul for mincha and ne’ilah now, because I stay home with the kids, but I daven at home and do the best I can to feel the power of the words while the kids eat dinner and play games around me.

The morning after Yom Kippur is special too. There’s that best cup of coffee of the year, but also that clean slate, the possibilities for the new year, the hope that you have been granted a “Ketiva veChatima Tova” – a good inscription and seal – and that you will merit to live another full year, of health, happiness and prosperity.

My wish to all my readers is that you should be inscribed in the Book of Life, that you should be blessed with a happy, healthy and prosperous new year, and that we should all merit to see the coming of Mashiach, bimhera beyhamenu (quickly, and in our lifetime) – le Shana HaBa’ah BeYerushalyim – Next year in Jerusalem, the undisputed, undivided capital of Israel.

Bags all packed and ready to go…

And so this is it, my final post on the local day school crisis.

There’s a week left of school, summer is here (you can tell by the torrential rain every afternoon), and the kids (and I) are all done with homework and ready to relax for a while.

I have one last thing to say to HDS and to all the Jewish day schools.

When people fall upon hard times, treat each family as an individual case. Meet with them face to face. Talk to them and try, really make an effort, to listen to what they are telling you. Pick up the phone and call them. It only takes a few minutes to call someone, and let them know that you have noticed that they haven’t re-enrolled their child(ren), or that they are asking for financial help for the first time.

Don’t concern yourselves with children like mine. The Brooks’ kids will be alright. They are lucky to be in a stable family environment, with parents who both grew up frum, and who both continue to be frum. Judaism will never be on the back burner in our children’s lives.

But please, I ask of you, consider this:

Children from certain families NEED to be in a Jewish education system more than others, to remain within the fold.
So every time children leave the school for financial reasons, look closer, meet the parents, listen to them. Are those children at risk of losing their Judaism? What will it take to keep them at your school? Is there any way at all to make it work for them? Is it better to shrug and say “sorry to see you go” but not make the effort, or is it better to do whatever necessary to keep those children in the system?Just think, you might save a Jewish neshama of this generation, and help guarantee the neshamas of the next generation…

To everyone else, thanks for following along. If your children are in the same grades as mine, please don’t forget about them when they are in their new school. It will mean the world to them if you remember them for playdates and birthday parties.

To all the amazing teachers my children have had at Hillel Day School, thank you, from the bottom of my heart . You have all, without exception, contributed to the little people that they are, to the depths of knowledge they have acquired, and to their Jewish selves. I will miss all of your smiling faces each morning and afternoon, and I hope that you will all miss my kids and their very inquiring minds.

And just because I’m going to miss driving around it every school day next year, a quick reminder about the roundabout (Traffic Circle) – TRAFFIC ON THE CIRCLE HAS THE RIGHT OF WAY!!!!

Shabbat Shalom & have a great summer!

Penultimate Post

Feedback is always good because, even when it is negative, it encourages further thinking and analysis of the matter at hand.

The majority of people who commented on last week’s post, or who contacted me directly, disagreed with what I wrote, regardless of their own tuition situation (including my own husband, for the record). I have had some time to mull over my earlier thought process, and it all comes down to this:

Communication. I don’t think I made that point strongly enough last week.

Time and again, despite earlier mistakes, the school continues to send out communication that upsets people. Timing is tantamount to success, always. Therefore, sending out emails regarding financial aid and scholarship application while the Business Manager is on vacation, and unavailable to field questions, will fuel people’s anger. In addition, sending out an email to the entire school, when only a small percentage of families meet the requirements, adds to the general feeling of degradation amongst families benefiting from financial aid. In fact, a number of people expressed just that to me – why does the whole school need to know what we are being put through if we ask for help? The feeling seems to be that people already believe they are being scrutinized, that everyone knows (or thinks they know) who is getting help, and by sending out all these communications to everyone (including The Questionnaire) it furthers the feelings of inadequacy and helplessness amongst those in need.

Is there a better way to do this? Probably. When the initial re-enrollment forms are sent out, there is a box at the bottom to check if you plan to apply for tuition assistance. So, it is clear from the time of registration who is applying, and who is not. In this great age of technology, it is pretty simple to create a “group” email for all those that checked the box, and to send those emails only to those people.

One comment on last week’s post (from someone who clearly lives outside of Boca) said:

I don’t think it is a bad idea for you to petition those on the HDS finance committee to publicize details on the formula they use to determine who gets tuition assistance and in what amount such assistance will be awarded. I can’t imagine they would have any objection to revealing that. You seem concerned that groceries and clothing expenses are not taken into account because you are not asked to disclose those expenses on the scholarship application – I would imagine that there is a general assumption for those expenses taken into account, but if it isn’t, or if the assumed amount is unreasonable, then you have a legitimate concern.

I understand that the people making the decisions about financial aid are supposedly anonymous (i.e known by many, but not officially). I wonder if anyone would petition HDS for those details. And I would be interested to see how exactly they figure out how much a family can pay. I heard this week from someone who received a contract asking them to pay double what they paid the past year, even though neither spouse is making any more money than they were…

I got an anonymous email from someone saying how pleased they are that my children are leaving the school, because that is 3 children fewer that they will be paying for. I don’t respond to anonymous emails, but I’m sure you are reading this, and here is what I say to you: tuition is about $16,000 for each child. About $3000 of that goes towards another child’s tuition. As far as the school tells it, there is no family receiving 100% tuition assistance. In fact I believe it maxes out at either 50% or 60%. Which means that every family at the school is contributing something. If every family on tuition assistance leaves, you will not be paying for other people’s children but in order to survive without merging with another school, HDS would
a)have to significantly raise tuition for the families left behind, and
b)downsize their teaching staff as fewer classes per grade become necessary.
So then you create a new problem – the teachers who are let go will most likely pull their kids out too, and the school shrinks further and is less likely to survive.
So, before people walk around saying “good riddance”, just remember, everyone is paying something, and every dollar coming in keeps your contribution where it is.

Next week will be the final post in this resurrection series, and likely my final word on the tuition “crisis” in Jewish Day Schools. A lot remains unsaid, but as my family leaves the system, at least for the time being, I will leave it to those who are still within to hash it out, and maybe come up with a plan for the future of Jewish education

Shabbat Shalom and Chag Shavuot Sameach!

plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose

[Edited b/c apparently the 8th grade tuition amount was a typo. 8th grade tuition is the same as 6th & 7th. I’m gonna leave my comment about the Israel trip]

It’s re-enrollment time at HDS. You got the email, (as long as you are up to date with payments for this year). If not, expect an official looking letter coming your way. I wonder if it will be sent registered mail?

Tuition will increase by 3% for the coming school year.

If you have 3 children in 1-5, you will be paying a grand total of: $46,470!

If you have a child in grades 6 & 7 you pay: $17,545 per child.

Apparently 8th graders are expected to learn slightly less, as tuition is only $17,455 for 8th grade. Or maybe that is due to the additional fee you will be asked to pay so your 8th grader can go to Israel?

And if your child needs the ETGAR special needs program, be prepared to pay a whopping $32,255

Let’s take an average Orthodox family, with say, 4 kids in 1st grade, 3rd grade, 5th & 7th. That’s $65,000 for school next year.

Sixty-Five Thousand Dollars.

Thankfully, the OU has now admitted that there is a tuition crisis in our Day Schools. We can rest assured that people smarter than us are already working on a way to guarantee that all Jewish neshamot have access to a superior Jewish education.

What are people paying for? A private education, or Jewish education in a private school? Does a good Jewish education necessarily need to come from a Private Jewish Day School? Is it not our obligation as parents, to educate our children in Judaism, and not to rely on a school? Obviously, there cannot be a Jewish Public school in the United States, unlike across much of Europe. However, there must be a way to ensure that our Jewish children will get a fantastic Jewish education, without having to forgo university, and without families going without food.

Does the answer lie right in front of our eyes, as all the best answers usually do?

It’s My Life

I just wanna live while I’m alive….  Bon Jovi again.

Following last Friday’s blog post, a close friend, who happens to be the former Rabbi of the shul that we belonged to in London, said he felt that I painted a rather idyllic picture of my childhood education in Ireland. Perhaps he’s right. So I’m going to de-glorify and de-perfect it now.

Trust me, growing up frum in Dublin wasn’t fun. Being one of only a couple of frum kids in a community where most people were not, was not easy. Having only two or three friends at whose houses I could eat, was annoying. Being unable to go out with my friends on Saturday nights in the summer because Shabbat ended after 11pm, and my friends had gone out at 8pm was enough to drive any teenager to rebellion.

My point, in last week’s post, was that Yiddishkeit has to start in the home, not at school. With a strong Jewish home, parents who embrace their Judaism and practice it in their daily lives, every Jewish child in any school situation, has equal opportunity to remain on the derech. Day school is not a protective film on our children’s frumkeit. With all the talk about “half-Shabbos“,  and the stories I hear about kids from our local Yeshiva High School eating out at treif restaurants (and not being at all choosy in what they eat), what more proof do we need, that keeping kids within the Jewish Day School educational system is no guarantee of keeping kids observant? It takes more than $20,000 per year per child to keep someone from assimilating. It takes more than immersion within a Jewish Day School to protect the yiddeshkeit of future generations.

Children whose parents are willing to step up to the plate and teach by example, have the best possible chance of remaining observant. If Jewish continuity is truly important, then parents need to start showing their kids what it means to them to be orthodox. Let children see their father davening with tefillin daily (or know that he goes to shul every morning  to daven), see their parents check fruit & vegetables for bugs carefully, or make a bracha on hafrashat challah. Let them see their parents schedule trips and appointments around the Jewish calendar, skip concerts and movies during the Omer and the 3 weeks  – put their Judaism above their personal enjoyment – then they will see the importance of our Jewish existence, as compared to our secular one.

The guarantee of Jewish continuity doesn’t lie in keeping all kids in Jewish Day Schools. It lies in this generation of parents taking some responsibility for their children’s neshamot, and leading by example.

My childhood in Ireland was far from idyllic, and my childhood/adolescence was far from perfect. But my parents made it very clear what was expected of me and my siblings when it came down to our religion. Here in Boca Raton, we are blessed to live in the midst of a vibrant, orthodox Jewish community. Regardless of the schools our children attend, they are surrounded by other Jewish kids every day. Regardless of the institutional education they receive, they are living in a place that allows them to be frum without being different. It is up to us, the parents, to see that our children are part of Jewish continuity no matter which school they attend.

Oh, and for the record, our house is not for sale, it’s just another rumor circulating. I’m sure there are more, keep me informed!

Shabbat Shalom!

Education is key

So in follow up to last Thursday’s infuriated blog about the lack of attendance at the lecture by Stacy Honowitz, I will say that I have spoken to many people who should have been there. And I still maintain that the members of this synagogue should be ashamed of themselves. A small number of people that I spoke to had valid excuses, but the vast majority actually felt ok to say that they didn’t go because they felt that it either didn’t really apply to them, was something they already know about or that they’ll have another opportunity to go next year. I don’t believe the Sisterhood was planning on making this an annual event, and given the lack of people this time, I can’t imagine Ms. Honowitz agreeing to come again next year.

I also heard that it wasn’t promoted enough, which may be true, but come on – it was in the weekly activity sheet, there was at least one email about it, plus a phone tree from the synagogue a couple of hours before. Unless there are a couple of months lead time on these events there is not a lot more one can do on the promotion end.

I have been doing the best I can, spreading what I learned that night. Suddenly people are interested to know what was said, what did I find out that I didn’t already know. I’m not going to keep the information to myself, because education is so important, and no matter how stupid people are, their children shouldn’t suffer because of it.

I had conversations individually with each of my own kids about “private parts” and touching. My oldest is 8, and she 100% understood what we were discussing. And, contrary to what some parents were scared of, speaking about inappropriate touching and genital areas did not lead to discussions on sex and procreation. Thank goodness. My son, who is 7, grasped enough of our conversation to know what he needs to do if G-d Forbid something ever happened to him. We discussed (with both of them) having a “safe person” at school, in case something happened when my husband and I are not in direct reach. We chose that safe person – the same for both my kids – and I will remind them every so often that this is who they need to go to if something ever happened in school.

The discussion with my little one who is 3, didn’t go quite as planned. It went something like this:

Me: Do you know where your private parts are?
Her: No
Me: It’s everything covered by your underwear. Anything that is underneath your underwear is private. Nobody should see it or touch it. Only Mommy & Daddy.
Her : Ok
Me: Em, where are you going? Why are you leaving the room?
Her: I’m going to look
Me: Look for what?
Her: To look in my drawer for my private parts. Under my underwear
Me:  (ok, I admit, my 8yo and I were doubled over with tears streaming down our face at this point, totally speechless)

A few minutes later she came back in and told me there’s nothing there, just underwear…

Later that evening I showed her where her “private parts” are, and explained again and she said “oh, you mean my vagina and my butt” so I know now that she understands.

It is never too early to teach our kids, and it is never too late to educate ourselves. Do the right thing by your children, and make sure that they have the awareness of what is right and what is wrong, and also the security of knowing that if someone ever did something to them (or attempted to) that Mommy & Daddy will make sure that they do everything to see that the perpetrator is punished. Give your child a voice and let him or her know that you can, and will, listen.

Protecting our children

Last night I had the privilege of hearing a talk by Stacy Honowitz, a 23 year veteran of the State Attorney’s Office, with 18 years dedicated to the Sex Crimes and Child Abuse Unit in Broward County, Florida. She is also the author of a book “My Privates are Private” for kids.
The talk was held at our synagogue, hosted by our Sisterhood.

I went because I am a parent, and I see it as my duty to understand how to protect my children. There are some things I can control, some I cannot, but I can always try to be as educated as possible in all areas regarding my children’s safety.

Most of my friends will tell you that I am fanatic about  carseats. I don’t care what the law says – Florida law is the most lenient and wishy-washy of all 50 states, when it comes to child restraint laws – I care about the facts, and what actually will help my kids remain as safe as possible when traveling in a car. My 8 year old still sits in a booster seat, and she will continue to do so until she is 4’9″.
And I tell my kids (and other kids in my car) constantly to sit still, because a booster seat simply positions the seatbelt properly but will not restrain them in a collision unless they are sitting properly and the belt can lock the way it needs to.

Thankfully, I have no experience with sexual abuse. I saw last night as an opportunity to hear from someone who sees it all the time so that I could learn something. Someone who admits that she has seen so much that she is jaded and neurotic, but who told us that we shouldn’t have to be neurotic, just informed.

I left feeling empowered, not scared.
I left feeling that I have the tools to use when speaking to my children, not terrified of letting them play at a friend’s house.
I left feeling that I still trust the vast majority of my kids’ friends’ parents, but that I know now what to tell my kids before they go play or have a sleepover at someone else’s house.

I had hard time sleeping last night though. Why? Simply because of the number of people who showed up for this. Or I should say, the number of people who did NOT show up. We are a community numbering over 600 families. Most of these families have children, grandchildren, nephews, nieces. Children are an integral part of our community. Every Simchat Torah, we are in complete awe at how many more children are under the Talit for Kol HaNe’arim than the previous year. Our preschools and day schools have to close out kids because there isn’t space, or find space for an additional class for some grades because there are so many children.

How many people were present last night? About 20. And that included Jacob (Coco) Cohen, a member of our community who is a Public Defender in Broward County, who has worked closely with Ms. Honowitz and introduced her, and the two ladies (Sally Berenzweig & Cherie Benjoseph) who run the KidSafe program, which Hillel Day School has integrated into the Elementary and Middle School over the last few years. Coco, it should be noted, often defends the very predators that Ms. Honowitz is prosecuting. He has 3 young children himself, and said he never lets them out of his sight in public.

So where were all those parents and grandparents last night? Are those people naive enough to believe that sexual abuse is not a problem within the Orthodox Jewish community? Are they stupid enough to think “it doesn’t apply to me”, “it will never happen to me”? Do they really believe that they already know everything they need to know in order to protect their children? Or maybe simply, if I ignore it, it will go away.

The internet has increased child pornography in a way that could never have been imagined. Access to porn in general has never been easier. A predator looks just like anyone else. He’s a father, uncle, brother, son, friend, mother, daughter, sister, teacher. Ms. Honowitz said that about 10% of the offenders she sees are women. She also said that there has been a huge increase in the number of cases where a teacher is the predator.

I’m not suggesting that we wrap our kids in bubble wrap and then glue them to our sides. I’m not suggesting that we no longer allow playdates or sleepovers at friends’ houses.

I’m simply suggesting that all parents take an interest in something that is real. It exists in all realms of society – upper class, lower class, middle class, rich and poor. Sexual abuse of children knows no boundaries, not in race, religion, class or culture. It is most prevalent in “fanatic” sects of any religion. I use the term “fanatic” loosely, because Orthodox Jews are included in that description. Why is it so prevalent here? My theory is that in these societies (my own included) there is more of a tendency to “let it go”. An attitude of dealing with it from within. Perhaps it is reported less within these societies, because it doesn’t look good to the outside world. And so these predators get off lightly, with a warning, perhaps losing a job, but circumstances are not disclosed fully. So someone working at a school is dismissed, but can get hired at a different school, where s/he goes on doing the same things.

By educating our children in “good touch/bad touch”, we are not only empowering them to know what is right, and what is wrong, we are also teaching them that when someone does something bad to them, they will get punished. As a parent, we need to show our children that we are willing to go to great lengths to punish anyone who hurts them. By prosecuting those guilty of sexual assault, no matter how big or small (is there such a thing?!), we are not only protecting our own children, but also the other children that the predator has not yet reached. We are making sure that our kid does not suffer for years until the touching becomes full blown intercourse. We are hopefully guaranteeing minimal psychological damage.

If I sound angry, I am. I can’t believe that this wasn’t a jam packed event, standing room only. I feel like I’m pretty aware of the world around me. I know not to let me kids go to the bathroom alone in public places. I also know that I’m realistic and practical. I don’t believe I can protect my children from every danger out there. But I do believe that I can empower them to know the difference between right and wrong, between good and bad, and teach them that I will always listen to them if they feel something has happened to them that is wrong or bad.